#9

I want to walk away from what we had, from every single memories that traces my breath. Make everyday a conscious step towards something more positive, something where I don't factor someone into my life who no longer cares about me. I want to be brave in a way I always used to be, but haven't been for quite some time. I want to return to the me who laugh at jokes the loudest and is always up to try something new. I miss her, and at times have almost forgotten who she is. Part of me believes that the moment I truly let you go will be the moment I get her back. That you are, in a way, crowding my life and preventing me from living fully. But I know that is not the step you can take away from me.

I love you so much more now than I ever did before, I think. And I know that part of this must be because I cannot have you now, and things are always heightened with desire and longing. But I don't know how to pretend that I don't still burn for you the way I did.

Please know that I'll stop reaching out. I'll stop making a fool of myself. I'll stop being this person that I never wanted to be. I am working everyday on making my life something beautiful and fresh and interesting. Something that has nothing to do with you anymore. One day, and soon, I will get there though. I'll be me again. And I'll forget this brief interlude of sorrow. I hope we don't have to meet again. But if we do, I hope you meet me when I'm that person, so you can forget who I am today.

I will try my hardest to let you go. I will try to erase you from every inch and corner of my body. I promise you will be gone.